Hold Until Eternity
by Fledgling
Summary: [Oneshot. Postmovie 'verse, but doesn't require movie knowledge to make sense. Van x Hitomi.] She's willing to wait forever.


Word count: 1, 471

Note: Movie 'verse fic.

_Hold until Eternity_

There is only the sky to remind her of a forgotten realm.

And a feather, soft and weightless against her cheek, to whisper a boundless love into her ear.

She never mentioned-- why would it be necessary?-- but she'd fallen almost as hard for Gaea. How she misses Merle. And the sky! The air was made of something different than the full, thick warmth found on earth. It sang of hidden streams in the mountains, lost caves, secret meadows in shadowed forests, interlaced with sunlight.

When Hitomi goes back, she'll surely seek out those places, and run through the fish infested rivers like a little child. She'll make sure Van goes along with her.

That is, she thinks, smiling softly, once she figures out how to get there.

---

It's her only connection to her adventure. How can such a slight, insignificant object be the only evidence to prove her sanity?

She twirls a pen, round and round between her fingers, but her eyes are on the lone feather, straight and youthful and new-looking by her textbook. _Escaflowne_, she murmurs. Hitomi jolts awake, eyes flashing wide with the shock of afternoon sun, and sets herself to work again. But her pen spends a few scarce seconds on her essay, before there it is, twirling again. It's white. What a dangerous colour. She envisions wings.

He'd been mean at first.

Hitomi! The lazy student startles to life when Yukari's voice interrupts her thoughts, reprimanding. You didn't do your homework again, Hitomi? Then, in a hushed, somewhat reverent voice: Hitomi. You're thinking about _that_ again, aren't you?

"No," she says out loud, and stands up sharply, chair squeaking as it is pushed away. Phantom hunger growls in her stomach. She needs something to eat.

---

She's sitting in the same old wooden chair, twirling the same white ballpoint pen, except this time, she has plastic cup of jelly pudding with her. The tiny spoon jabbed into the centre jiggles a little whenever she moves. Hitomi slides the flimsy dessert to the side, and there she is again, staring at her soft, beautiful feather.

_Silly Hitomi_, her mind chides.

_Yes, Silly Hitomi_, she echoes softly, words forming the words slowly. She imagines Van's lips calling her name. She shivers, embarrassed and enthralled, in his arms again. The heavens crumble around them.

Somehow, the pen had fallen out of her fingers, and was now rolling around her toes. She didn't notice when. Her hands reach for the soft ivory plume, cradling it reverently in her palm. She'd never noticed how many different shades it was: silver, gold, amber. Were they all hidden in the white? Hitomi leaned closer to her cupped hands, eyes wide, heart thumping.

Why, Van, can you hear me? 

When Hitomi goes back, she will ask him for more feathers. Just one is too lonely by itself.

---

She came back to the Mystic Moon because she needed to be here. She is still here because Van does not need her.

Hitomi's heart feels hollow. She rests her chin on her warm palm, sitting on the doorstep of her house. How foolish; she forgot her keys. The sky rumbles, dark and foreboding, dropping an ominous gloom onto her shoulders. She half expects the fantasies to start again. She does not hear Folken's voice, and there is no warping of time and dimension, but the feeling is real.

Is it a dream? Or is it real?

Her fingers, trembling, slide across her collarbone and tug tightly on the dull red stone around her neck. It's concrete.

There; that is the proof.

She must go back.

---

Not again. Hitomi lies limp on the ground, tired enough to sleep yet too anxious to let her eyes fall shut. She's numb. She wants to climb out of this rut, but she can't. Hitomi twitches her finger, just as an experiment. It moves. Her eyes shut of their own accord, and she dreams herself melting into the concrete.

She's curled up in the fetal position, exhausted. Let it all end. Just when she thinks her fortune is gone, she sees a great tree, and a young boy hunched in its shadows. It's a beautiful living thing, magnificent in every way, and she finds herself admiring the thick roots, marvelling at its strength. How could someone be so sad in spite of such great beauty? It must be because he is alone.

She would only ever wake up after she joined him by the tree.

---

The next day, Hitomi rolls her eyes and wonders why she doubts herself. She gazes, enraptured, at her necklace, and nearly stumbles and hits her face on the racing track. An icy wind whistles past her cheekbones as she crouches, eyes flickering up on the white stripes, ready to beat her own record. Yukari dances and cheers to her left.

How could she even think that she made such a grand adventure up? Hitomi wasn't crazy. And she was hardly such a creative young woman to begin with. Under the warm, bleary presence of the sun, such fears are long gone and out of place.

Sora's song climbs out of the cold wind mingled with tepid sunshine and urges her to run. Faster, faster! She runs for the sheer joy of the movement, pleased with herself, wanting to achieve her goal like never before. She is aware of little else. There is hope, still, in this world, she thinks, and runs ever quicker, lithe like little Merle, aggressive like her first love.

"Wow, Hitomi! How did you do that?" Yukari stands amazed, and a few sitting in the stands, studying, turn upon hearing the exclamation. "You surprise me all the time, Hitomi."

Hitomi giggles with pleasure, ears hot. She'd been inspired.

---

Waiting, she thinks, is not too bad. Maybe she will have to wait for him infinitely. But the experience is so fresh and delicious that it is easy to cling to; she's glad that she won't have to worry about fading memories. Her souvenirs make it easier. Hitomi has learned, through experience, that sorrow makes everything that comes after even more brilliant.

Her The gleaming rose stone twinkles at her. The necklace and feather complement each other; the latter seems to glow in ivory magnificence, and Hitomi notices that it feels even gentler to the touch. She tries not to dwell on the resentment of dreams and hopes unfulfilled. Gaea already gave her a gift that she hadn't known she needed, and Hitomi did not come back just to go through the same thing, again.

_There, there, Van_, she breathes, and tears, of mysterious origin, flood her eyes. Every time she has thought of him, she remembers a smile, mature and charming and fiendishly innocent at the same time. And it was always accompanied with a raw force of emotion that only he, the King, had. She cries some more, and rubs the wet spots from her pyjamas. Hitomi creeps slowly out of her bed, to the window, and pushes it open, thrusting her face into the night. Thin raindrops bombard her forehead, and mingle with the wetness in her burning eyes. She catches herself smiling a moment later, secretly thrilled, excitement rushing through limbs brought starkly to life by the chilly draft.

_Van_, she shouts to the sky, and the rain responds by shooting even more fiercely in silvery blue slants across her vision. _Wait for me._

There's a certain significance that, despite all the things Van was, she always recalled his moments of delight, first. It wasn't as if Hitomi chose to remember only the joyful, no; it was because that was what Van was, that was his essence. _I suppose if I remember you like that_, she thinks, _then that must be how you remember me, too. _

Back in her bed again, toes curled in warmth, she brushes the feather across her nose.

When she goes back, she'll ask him to take her flying, and snatch a handful of those fine feathers before they whip away. Then, she'll invite him to the Mystic Moon. But for now, she can only be patient. Hitomi bounces the translucent rose pendant, tossing it from hand to hand.

She doesn't mind the waiting. After all, Hitomi suspects, Van must be feeling the same agony. Her pain is not the only in existence. Hitomi just hopes that he can soon gain the same peace of mind she has, for at least then, the worry that accompanies her longing can cease.

After a moment of consideration, Hitomi is convinced that he can. Hitomi relaxes, content, and slips the scarlet pendant, heated from her touch, back beneath her fluffy nightshirt.

When Hitomi returns, they will take flight together, and make love across a turquoise sky. But until then, Hitomi will wait. She's willing to wait forever.


End file.
